VITTORIA
ANNA: How would you describe the moment you became a mother?
VITTORIA: You don’t know love until they place your baby in your arms there is no love more all-encompassing than that. It’s truly an animal instinct; they depend on you, they take nourishment from you. And I say this as someone who never liked children, it wasn’t something I had wanted for a long time or anything like that, but it was obviously a conscious choice and it was the best choice I could have made.
A: You’ve told me you didn’t think about becoming a mother, what were your plans before?
V: I was a planner, someone who always thought about the future, who projected herself into situations. But then, when I was 23 and in London doing my master’s degree, one of my closest friends had a terrible accident, she was hit by a drunk driver and well, she’s alive by some miracle, and she’s an incredibly strong person. From that moment on, I completely stopped planning, I’ve lived always and only in the present.
A: Do you have any regrets?
V: No. By living in the moment, I’ve enjoyed everything…
A: What was it like growing up in Italy for you?
V: I left Italy because of the oppressive sense of judgment I felt growing up in Rome, I felt like there were certain expectations to meet in order to fit into a specific mold, you know? And I felt trapped by that. When I was 18, I left but after a couple of years, I started to miss it a little, and I realized that every place has its good and its imperfect aspects.
A: What do you think are the good aspects?
V: We’re definitely a country full of clever, resourceful people who thrive in chaos and struggle to follow rules. But when placed in a context that’s rigid and rule-bound, Italians stand out for their quick thinking and resourcefulness.
A: And the imperfect aspects?
V: I think Italy, especially when it comes to values around women, still has a lot of room for improvement. It’s like, you’re either a mother or a wife, but if you work, you’re a failed mother, and if you don’t work, you’re just a mother. There’s still a lot of division instead of fostering the idea of a team, a family working together toward a common goal, roles are very rigidly defined.
In general, there are too many taboos and rules about what you should or shouldn’t be, as also the lack of inclusion for other ethnicities.
A: What do you want for your children?
V: I want them to grow up with an open mind, period. I want to raise my children so they don’t even need to ask why someone has a different skin color, because it’s normal. And I think that’s still a very difficult mindset to find here.
A: If you had to tell me something that makes you feel connected to Italian culture, even abroad, what would it be?
V: Definitely the food. Our ability to eat well, drink well, and cook well is something deeply ingrained, it’s a profound feeling. To me, it means feeling tied to the land, then, for example, there were times when I was abroad and went to church…I’m not a religious person, but sometimes I felt the need for it, I would smell the incense, and it was like walking through the streets of Rome when a church door would open…